The 13 rooms in this brick and stucco three-story house in the restored Del Ray neighborhood of Alexandria, Virginia provide shelter to the men who live there . . . but the small staff, an active community of volunteers, and the residents themselves provide much more -- they make it a home and a place to build second chances.
"I know for me it was a life-changing living situation -- because I finally had gotten willing to do whatever it took," sighed Trip Langhans, assistant manager of the Home and a former resident. Langhans lived in the Home two different times. About living in the Home Langhans said, "What you find out is . . . who you are and how you react to things. That didn't happen for me the first time I was here. But it did the second time." Now he works there part time to share what he found in the hope it can help others struggling to find their own way.
One current resident, Darren S., puts it this way, "If I had went home (from detox) I would have been drinking by now. I've been here going on three months and I've had two close calls here. But I've learned to use the tools given to me by guys in the rooms. I told somebody about it and the feeling of wanting to drink left me in 15 minutes. Because I was here I was surrounded by people who helped me through those 15 minutes, which could have really changed my life."
For more than 58 years the Men's Home has established a sober living environment for men new to recovery from alcoholism. Originally located in Washington, D.C., the Home moved to a declining Del Ray neighborhood in 1966 -- long before strict zoning laws might have prevented a sober living house from opening here. Since that time, the Home has worked hard to fit in as Del Ray experienced resurgence. The exterior of the Home is tidy, with new windows and fresh paint. The flowers and plants in the yard are carefully tended and watered.
According to Dennis Kelly, chairman of the Board of Trustees and chief operating officer of the corporation that operates the Home, "We're pretty much good neighbors. Oh, we congest the parking on Sunday mornings, but the guys here will shovel walks when the snow comes for the neighbors who can't do that because they're elderly. And the general manager is always pulsing the people in the neighborhood to see that everybody is okay with us."
Sunday mornings, the Home fills with the smell of frying bacon and fresh coffee and the bustle of setting places, serving meals and clearing dishes. The men transform the Home into a breakfast joint for 90 minutes and then break it down to make room for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (the Home is not affiliated with AA, but uses its 12-step recovery program as a guide for living). Proceeds from the breakfast help support the operation of the Home.
"The Men's Home is funded really in three ways, reports Frank Flaherty, treasurer for the Board of Trustees, "First, there is the rent -- kept to a minimum to make it easy for the men; then the breakfast we do on Sunday mornings before the AA meeting; and contributions, private contributions. We periodically do some other fundraising as needed, but we take no state or federal funding."
One significant form of support comes from alumni like Langhans. "The original concept was to try to hook up alumni with current residents. I think, mistakenly so, we thought we could schedule events and make that happen. Really how it happens is by the alumni being here all the time -- Tuesday night, Thursday night, and Sunday morning -- and speaking up at a meeting and saying, "I lived here. I was here in 2004 -- it saved my life." And they see that we keep coming back. And it turns out that does more than trying to make it happen."
Flaherty added, "This is a great place for men to come that have gotten to that point -- who say, "You know what? There has got to be a better way!" The Men's Home provides that -- it gives you a solid foundation to get your life back together. The community here is great because everyone helps each other. People have been here for three, four, five months and they meet people who are brand new and take them through the steps of how you turn your life around."
About his service as treasurer, Flaherty adds, "Quite frankly, it was an honor to be asked to be on the board. I mean, the Home does so much for people and part of the program -- the biggest part of the program -- is giving back. Giving back to other people is what it's all about."
For more information about the Men's Home, contact the manager at 703-683-3622.
